NOTE: Important Quoted Passage At The End Of This Message.
Let go of ego… you are never going to be perfect or right all the time. Thinking otherwise is literal insanity.
Holding onto the emotion tied to your ego is not only a heavy fucking burden, it is self righteousness of the highest order.
I cried my eyes out back in February when I realized how much I felt bound to personally. It was one of the first lessons that hit me like a ton of bricks when I entered the Warrior program… And, it was not my first exposure to the concept. I’ve been through the work repeatedly and hadn’t internalized the importance.
And neither will you… All exceptional performance requires repetition. You cannot reveal your max potential in the gym after one session, everyone knows this and would consider anything contrary ridiculous… yet, when it comes to personal performance, there is a tendency to think “I know” after one class or one book or one video. (Get your ass into the next book, class, or event asap. Hell, invite me to go with you!)
Not possible. Performance in all areas has to be consistent. A daily act of small steps toward a larger, measurable end game.
All my life I’ve been told to be less direct, less intimidating, less forthright and less of who I am at my core.
At work one time, I reprimanded an employee with my manager at the time and the employee got upset… The manager pulled me aside and told me that I was too intimidating. When I asked what specific thing I did, he told me it wasn’t what I did… it was that because I was 6’2″ and a bigger guy, that anything I said would be perceived as more intimidating than if done by another. So, he basically said this: “I know its your job to reprimand and correct behavior, but don’t do your job because your physicality makes other people feel small.”
I could not shrink myself physically, right?
So, I began shrinking myself in other ways… I withdrew. I faded into the background.
I genuinely hate it when people feel badly about anything… so, at that time in my life as a younger man i thought to myself why be the cause of that?
So… I began to feel it was on me to ensure other people’s happiness, to make sure other people’s feathers are never ruffled, and to smooth out upset in other people.
Later in life after some self exploration, I would learn the reality is all of that is none of my business. I am responsible for me and my emotional state alone… as are you. In fact, that is all any of us can control: Ourselves. When we lose that, we’ve lost everything in that moment.
This does not mean I have a right to intentionally upset someone, it means that I have a responsibility to invest in effective ways to get the best out of people using my skillsets, personality, and training.
Recognizing that fear, anger, and upset in ourselves and in others is just projection, deflection, and a refusal to look inward and face the real problem… is the only problem.
When anyone is in this state, it is never about what they claim it to be about, it is always about them. Their bullshit story and personal weakness…
Why? Because human beings have no concept of how they perform or show up unless objectively tracked and verified.
So be easy… love the person under the ego and shine light for anyone operating in the dark. For it will be you soon enough in that place… and, we are all in the dark when we choose into the game of expansion and growth.
The following is from “Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts | Becoming the Person You Want to Be” by Mark Reiter and Marshall Goldsmith
“We are notoriously inaccurate in assessing ourselves. Among the more than 80,000 professionals I’ve asked to rate their performance, 70 percent believe they are in the top 10 percent of their peer group, 82 percent believe that they are in the top fifth, and 98.5 percent place themselves in the top half. (Those numbers don’t add up, eh?)
If we’re successful, we tend to credit ourselves for our victories and blame our situation or other people for our losses. This belief triggers an impaired sense of objectivity. It convinces us that while other people consistently overrate themselves, our own self-assessment is fair and accurate.
Overconfidence. Stubbornness. Magical thinking. Confusion. Resentment. Procrastination. That’s a lot of heavy baggage to carry on our journey of change.”
So let go… and travel light, my friends!
Sight and light,