Welcome to Do The Hard Thing Episode 15. I am Jason Archer… creator, freedom seeker, leader of self | full time student and part time teacher of self mastery, and today’s theme is “Influence Yourself First”.
So, turn up the volume, put down the distractions and let’s kick this off…
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Have you ever started down a path that you felt held a great deal of meaning for you, and then for whatever reason you could not move toward the outcome you wanted to create? Whether it was a Mental, Physical, or Spiritual target you sought, it didn’t matter… there was a part of you that refused to move. This podcast is born from specific idea. Do The Hard Thing is an exploration in human movement.
I have been many things in my life… and ego manic is certainly one of them. Especially as an younger man. I wanted to have an impact on those around me and the world at large, but didn’t realize the first step in doing that is dealing with me. Influencing myself positively. And, some of you listening to this right now might want to change the world… when, really you need to change yourself.
Everything you want radiates from you. So the process begins inside. This is a process of influencing yourself.
When I first started down my path toward personal development and business, I just knew there was a trick to getting what I wanted. Some secret existed outside of me that would magically propel me forward if I only knew what it was… And, I had to find this magic no matter the cost.
This put me on the path toward purchasing business courses, marketing courses, and personal development experiences. And, I invested tens of thousands of dollars in these places with the idea that one of them would hold the golden ticket I needed to take everything to the next level.
And this thinking was both right and wrong.
Here’s what I mean by that: When I finally took the plunge and bought into my first course… it was the PSI Basic Seminar. It consisted of two four hour nights followed by two full days of training. The cost was about 600 dollars per person, and I could re-audit the course as many times as I wanted at no cost forever. Sweet deal.
Sweet deal indeed if you live in an abundance mindset. Even though I knew this would be a good use of time and dollars, I passed on the opportunity when it was first offered to me.
Because I was the king of cheap bastards. I could buy a lot of dirt bike parts with that six bills. And, would routinely do so without batting an eye. After all, what kind of desperate moron spends money to go to a seminar that the internet says is a cult?
The internet is always right. Right? Pay money to throw myself into a cult… no thanks.
So I passed.
Then my phone rang a few days later… and someone on the other end offered me a two for one on the price. Next thing I knew, the girlfriend and I were begrudgingly signed up and all set to attend the Basic Seminar in December of 2008.
And, that was the beginning of my formal introduction to human development. I would go on to spend another 20+ grand in the next year alone on advanced courses and travel to and from.
Notice what had to happen here.
I had to get out of my own way. My scarcity mindset around money almost cost me the last 10 years of accelerated advancement of my self and my businesses and my relationship with my wife.
The first person I had to influence was me.
And, that is a damn near impossible task when you only see the world through your own set of eyes. Even worse, most people do not even use their own eyes… they simply accept as fact all the stories they get from other people, the news media, or their favorite internet platform.
Think about it… how many times to do you hear something from a friend, read a headline or get 30 seconds of soundbites and make up a story in your head that you have the truth? If you follow partisan politics for example, or are outraged at this administration or that president, this type of experience is especially glaring.
How many times would you say someone actually dedicated time from their day to read and verify what they’ve heard… It can’t be many, just judging from the sheer amount of random garbage posted everywhere.
You lose influence over yourself in these situations, and you begin to shape your own reality from third hand “information” (and I use that term loosely) that may or may not be factual.
So how then do I influence myself?
It simply starts with getting the facts… Notice, I said facts, not truth. There is a huge difference.
Imagine, I draw a number 6 on a table in a room when you are not there. Then, I invite you to sit on the side of the table closest to the top side of the 6 so that when you look down, you see a 9. Then I bring in my friend, Corey and sit him on the side of the table closest to the bottom side of the 6 so that when he looks down he sees a 6.
I then ask each of you to tell me the number you see. You say 9 and Corey says 6… and both answers are truth from your perspectives.
But if I ask you to tell me with 100% certainty, whether I meant the number to be 6 or 9 when I wrote it, could you give me a factual answer? After all, neither of you were there! So even though the number you see is true from your perspective, you don’t have any facts you can use to settle the argument over whether the number is actually a 6 or a 9 without getting more information from me.
So, arguing the point would be pointless.
You can see where I’m going with this, your truth from your perspective is relative to your perspective. The facts, however, don’t change. We want to operate from fact…
To gain influence over myself, I have to stop lying to myself about where I am. I can not pretend that I know how I’m showing up for my wife, my business partners, or in any other capacity without some form of factual tracking or feedback from a third party that isn’t viewing the situation I want to impact from my set of eyes.
It has been demonstrated that humans are notoriously wrong when it comes to accurate self assessment. We tend to have what’s called a “Self- Serving Bias”… meaning we tend to look more favorably on ourselves than we otherwise would if we had the facts about our performance.
Facts tend to be black and white, measurable, and clear.
Like this: I have meditated 75 minutes this week. I have lost 42lbs in the last 90 days. I sold 14 new memberships this month. I sent my wife 1 note everyday for the last year.
All of these things represent a standard that one can measure themselves against.
So put this in action, if I claim to want to make 150K as a real estate agent this year (In other words create this result or externality for myself)… with the average commission being 6K, I need to sell 1 house every 2 weeks.
Well, that won’t just happen. I have to make it happen. So how to I influence myself to create the externality?
Assuming it takes 50 leads to get one deal… the question I have to answer is what do I have to do to get 50 leads every 2 weeks? Maybe I have to spend $1000 on ads, do one networking event each week, and follow up with 100 prospects. And, that will give me 50 solid leads and 1 closed deal.
That’s a lot of work to get 1 sale.
And, you don’t feel well today… and the kids kept you up… and the weather was crap… and so on and so forth. What happens to your ability to influence yourself in these circumstances. Can you maintain it or not?
Your ability to influence yourself to move anyway on the daily activity will create your externality… and this is true of any externality you seek. Making a larger impact in your finanaces or business is just one example of how influence over yourself leads to bigger things. And, if you want to influence others… you have to honor the work necessary to influence you first.
That’s it for today! Thank you for listening, and if you found value in this message be sure to subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Castbox, or Stitcher | Share this with those you know need to hear it on social | And I’ll see you back here in the next episode | This is Jason Archer signing off | Now… go, and DO THE HARD THING.