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Core Team Investment 18

Core Team Investment 18

NOTE: Important Quoted Passage At The End Of This Message.

Let go of ego… you are never going to be perfect or right all the time. Thinking otherwise is literal insanity.

Holding onto the emotion tied to your ego is not only a heavy fucking burden, it is self righteousness of the highest order.

I cried my eyes out back in February when I realized how much I felt bound to personally. It was one of the first lessons that hit me like a ton of bricks when I entered the Warrior program… And, it was not my first exposure to the concept. I’ve been through the work repeatedly and hadn’t internalized the importance.

And neither will you… All exceptional performance requires repetition. You cannot reveal your max potential in the gym after one session, everyone knows this and would consider anything contrary ridiculous… yet, when it comes to personal performance, there is a tendency to think “I know” after one class or one book or one video. (Get your ass into the next book, class, or event asap. Hell, invite me to go with you!)

Not possible. Performance in all areas has to be consistent. A daily act of small steps toward a larger, measurable end game.

All my life I’ve been told to be less direct, less intimidating, less forthright and less of who I am at my core.

At work one time, I reprimanded an employee with my manager at the time and the employee got upset… The manager pulled me aside and told me that I was too intimidating. When I asked what specific thing I did, he told me it wasn’t what I did… it was that because I was 6’2″ and a bigger guy, that anything I said would be perceived as more intimidating than if done by another. So, he basically said this: “I know its your job to reprimand and correct behavior, but don’t do your job because your physicality makes other people feel small.”

I could not shrink myself physically, right?

So, I began shrinking myself in other ways… I withdrew. I faded into the background.

I genuinely hate it when people feel badly about anything… so, at that time in my life as a younger man i thought to myself why be the cause of that?

So… I began to feel it was on me to ensure other people’s happiness, to make sure other people’s feathers are never ruffled, and to smooth out upset in other people.

Later in life after some self exploration, I would learn the reality is all of that is none of my business. I am responsible for me and my emotional state alone… as are you. In fact, that is all any of us can control: Ourselves. When we lose that, we’ve lost everything in that moment.

This does not mean I have a right to intentionally upset someone, it means that I have a responsibility to invest in effective ways to get the best out of people using my skillsets, personality, and training.

Recognizing that fear, anger, and upset in ourselves and in others is just projection, deflection, and a refusal to look inward and face the real problem… is the only problem.

When anyone is in this state, it is never about what they claim it to be about, it is always about them. Their bullshit story and personal weakness…

Why? Because human beings have no concept of how they perform or show up unless objectively tracked and verified.

So be easy… love the person under the ego and shine light for anyone operating in the dark. For it will be you soon enough in that place… and, we are all in the dark when we choose into the game of expansion and growth.

The following is from “Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts | Becoming the Person You Want to Be” by Mark Reiter and Marshall Goldsmith

We are notoriously inaccurate in assessing ourselves. Among the more than 80,000 professionals I’ve asked to rate their performance, 70 percent believe they are in the top 10 percent of their peer group, 82 percent believe that they are in the top fifth, and 98.5 percent place themselves in the top half. (Those numbers don’t add up, eh?)

If we’re successful, we tend to credit ourselves for our victories and blame our situation or other people for our losses. This belief triggers an impaired sense of objectivity.  It convinces us that while other people consistently overrate themselves, our own self-assessment is fair and accurate.

Overconfidence. Stubbornness. Magical thinking. Confusion. Resentment.  Procrastination. That’s a lot of heavy baggage to carry on our journey of change.”

So let go… and travel light, my friends!

Sight and light,
Jason

DTHT Episode 14 – Want It… Like A Kid At Christmas!

Podcast Opening:

Welcome to Do The Hard Thing Episode 14. I am Jason Archer… creator, freedom seeker, leader of self | full time student and part time teacher of self mastery, and today’s theme is “Want It… Like A Kid At Christmas!”.

So, turn up the volume, put down the distractions and let’s kick this off…

[NOTE: Insert some intro music here | Insert brief description here]

Summary Description:

Have you ever started down a path that you felt held a great deal of meaning for you, and then for whatever reason you could not move toward the outcome you wanted to create? Whether it was a Mental, Physical, or Spiritual target you sought, it didn’t matter… there was some part of you that refused to move. This podcast is born out of that specific idea. Do The Hard Thing is an exploration in human movement.

Podcast Content:

When was the last time you really wanted something? I mean wanted something so hard you couldn’t rest until you had it?

Aside from getting laid… my experience of most adults is they live on the surface of life in shallow conversations about nothing meaningful,  living in repression… and never allowing themselves to REALLY want much of anything. Certainly not enough to go hard after it.

In Walden… Thoreau  wrote, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats”.

Minks and muskrats are not very brave… And, Thoreau makes a good point when it comes to the ability of the average person to stand up for an idea, a want, or a set of principles they claim to believe in.

They are afraid to speak their minds for fear of offending the wrong person.

You’re a business owner who fears losing a customer, you’re an employee fears losing a job, you’re in a relationship and fear being ostracized… In this explosion of PC culture that has been reborn in American Colleges and Universities, I see repressed people doing their best to make their way in a world dying to be offended for even the smallest slight.

What do you do… how do you live out loud in a world with sensitive ears?

The short answer is: You Don’t. You sedate.

You busy yourself with nonsense, material things, and distractions like the latest trash TV show, or the Constantly Negative News channel that only echos back your existing beliefs with no allowance for reasoning or deeper thought around any given topic.

No wonder the US has the highest use of antidepressants in the world… People are living a lie. Living inauthentically. Living out of integrity with what they really want. And, they can’t figure out why their deepest desires will not be filled with another episode of Real Housewives or Game Of Thrones.

There is hope… though. What if you could erase the fears you’ve created as you’ve grown, and create strategic ways of dealing with problems that allowed you let off steam in a way that puts you back on track?

Think of your younger self… that kid you used to be?

What if you could get in touch with him or her… especially the way you were around Christmas and the holidays. Remember how hard you would want a certain toy?

I was a child of the 70’s and 80’s… and growing up each year at Christmas, all the department stores would mail catalogs out to every home they could knowing full well that this time of year money would be more apt to flow their way if they could plant seeds of desire going into the holiday season.

I vividly remember spending hours flipping pages in the Sears Wishbook… It was like Amazon, but in print. They had every toy and bike you could want. It was like holiday crack for 8 year olds.

My brother and I would pass it back and forth, and circle things we wanted, dog ear the pages, cut pictures out, and anything else we could do to make sure Mom and Dad knew which presents we really wanted. It was a big deal for us… This was the one time of the year where we could load up on stuff. We had to take advantage!

We absolutely bombarded our parents with “I want this, I want that”, we’d show them the photos, we’d tell them how cool each thing was… We were so filled with energy and desire around what we wanted that they didn’t stand a chance. They’d tell us no… My brother and I would complain and cry and get mad, then once we processed that… You guessed it, we just kept on hammering home how cool it would be to have that new GI Joe with swivel arm battle grip, and that new intellivision video game, and that new dyno GT bike.

We were relentless. They’d tell us no again… My brother and I would whine and moan and get mad until we processed it out of our system. Then we’d start the process of wanting all over again.

And guess what, we almost always got everything we wanted and then some!

But why.. What strategy did we unknowingly employ as kids to create such great results under the Christmas tree?

Well, let’s see: First, we identified what we wanted under the tree. The Wishbook was a huge help in this endeavor… filling our heads with all kinds of ways to bankrupt our parents.

Secondly, we got really excited about the possibilities… so much so that we attached emotion to the things we wanted and painted ourselves into the vision of how it would feel to have these things.

Then, we took our desires to the people who could help us fulfill that vision: Mom, Dad, Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents on both sides.

After we presented our wants to the various people we knew who could help us, we went through the process of rejection… One by one, we collected no’s, we’ll see’s, and maybe’s.

We then processed the negative emotions we felt fully… when we were told no. Meaning whether by pouting, or just acting like little assholes, we experienced the emotion fully so we could release it.

Once we released the emotion… We could get back on task and start the process of wanting all over again, free of distraction and focused on our next angle of attack and influence so that Christmas morning looked like we wanted it to look.

Now, I’m sure you noticed the parallel here. And, how it relates to what you want as an adult.

The problem isn’t that as adults we stop wanting… hell, I want all the time. The problem is that when we meet disappointment or failure or embarrassment, the emotion that we feel we hold onto. Then, we use that emotion to create a story about the situation that justifies us staying exactly where we are now rather than pushing forward.

When, what we really ought to do is process the emotion… experience the situation fully so we can write a new story that empowers us.

Maybe for you that’s yelling, maybe that’s crying, maybe it’s solitude… whatever it is, the only way out is through. And, once you’re through you can see clearly and tell yourself a new story about what happened. See it for what it is and start the process again and again until you get the result you want.

Your ability to persist will depend on the story you tell yourself. If my brother and I told ourselves no matter what we did, we weren’t going to get the Christmas we wanted, then we would’ve quit at the first no. But we didn’t and neither does any kid… they want it too hard. And, they will tell themselves whatever story they need to in order to make their vision a reality. The story I ran with as a kid was if I kept at it, I’d eventually get a maybe, and if I could get a maybe I could get a yes.

So how about you… what are you not allowing yourself to want? What did you go for and get shot down so hard you got embarrassed or pissed off and decided that your story was one of victimhood. And, everytime you think about that time you still feel negative energy around it. You’ve got to do the hard thing and process that shit out of your system. Find a place where you can release, yell, scream, or whatever you need to do without scaring the neighbors so you can fully experience that thing and write a new story that fuels you to want again.

Podcast Closing:

That’s it for today! Thank you for listening, and if you found value in this message be sure to subscribe on iTunes, Google, Castbox, or Stitcher  | Share this with those you know need to hear it on social | And I’ll see you back here in the next episode | This is Jason Archer signing off | Now… go, and DO THE HARD THING.

Listen at dothehardthing.net

DTHT Episode 13 – Honestly Assess Yourself

Podcast Opening:

Welcome to Do The Hard Thing Episode 13. I am Jason Archer… creator, freedom seeker, leader of self | full time student and part time teacher of self mastery, and today’s theme is “Honestly Assess Yourself”.

So, turn up the volume, put down the distractions and let’s kick this off…

[NOTE: Insert some intro music here | Insert brief description here]

Summary Description:

Have you ever started down a path that you felt held a great deal of meaning for you, and then for whatever reason you could not move toward the outcome you wanted to create? Whether it was a Mental, Physical, or Spiritual target you sought, it didn’t matter… there was some part of you that refused to move. This podcast is born out of that specific idea. Do The Hard Thing is an exploration in human movement.

Podcast Content:

I’m back after a short hiatus… As I mentioned in a previous podcast, the Queen and I hit a target of acquiring a new home and a new cash flow rental property coming into this last quarter and honestly the workload getting moved and reset was more than we both expected.

Couple that with the fact that it took nearly two weeks just get internet access setup at the new pad, and another week or so to get my office setup, I missed about 4 weeks worth of episodes and now I’m in debt to myself and to you guys on this particular venture since my commitment was to have new content coming your way every Monday morning of each new week.

Without fail.

However, I did fail.

That is my honest assessment of myself during this time period.

Some will look at the situation… the move, the lack of internet, the lack of an office, and all the time that went into getting a useful space setup and say, “Well really, you can’t count this as a fail because, hey just look at the circumstances… they were less than ideal.”

And, of course, you’re right. Circumstances were and largely still remain less than ideal. So does that let me off the hook? Does it give me a pass? Does it give me cause to break my commitment to myself and to you by your estimation of the facts?

Now, most of you, being nice people, will most likely say yes… Shit happens and you weren’t able to get it done. No worries.

However, I  would have to disagree and say emphatically, “NO!”.

So, in looking at the situation why might you say “Yes” and I say “No”?

It comes down to how we each assess my performance. If you said yes, what you are really saying is that the story about why I didn’t get the last 4 episodes completed is just as valuable as the result I claimed to want to create.

Yet, when I look at the story and the results I created by missing the last 4 weeks of episodes, I am valuing the results over the story about why it didn’t get done.

Many people in our lives, relationships, businesses, and families have decided to believe if someone comes to us with a “really good reason” as to why they didn’t get something done… That they’ve earned a pass. They should get credit or at least partial credit based on the quality of the story they can tell us about why they didn’t perform.

They focus on the bullshit story about failure and tell you it’s OK that you didn’t perform, because hey, you had good reason.

Rather than looking at the results… which are black and white. When we start examining the thin grey line between and justifying failure we open ourselves up to an infinite number of ways to excuse our lack of achievement.

However, if we are truly masters of ourselves… The way we show up in the world can not be based solely on circumstance.

Will there be circumstances that impede you or cause you to miss deadlines or commitments?

Yes. Of course… That’s just life.

However, It seems that the vast majority of people who live in the land of excuses seldom have a good reason as to why their particular circumstance prevented the outcome they had committed themselves to hitting.

So to be honest and forthright… I count myself among that group in this case. The reality is I have 3 or 4 cell phones. Two of which I use regularly for media and recording. So was it impossible for me to get the work done? Not really.

It was just really, really inconvenient.

I used inconvenience and worry over the tasks needing completion to take me off my game.

I chose to act like a child who refuses to go to bed without his “blanky”…

It’s a way of demanding that everything line up perfectly or else… And if it doesn’t I give myself a pass even though I had the means to make it happen.

Like the child who’s bed is warm and waiting for him, but he refuses to go down because his circumstances look different. So he sabotages himself, depriving himself of sleep… with the his bed empty and waiting for him in his bedroom.

How many times are commitments broken because circumstances change?

But more importantly… how many times do we let people off the hook because they deliver up a good story. At least in their eyes.

When we are dealing with people who are committed to their own growth and vision, we do not do them any favors to allow them to slide. It is not a kindness to allow someone to perform below their capabilities.

You’ve heard of holding people accountable… how about holding people capable?

Not only of accomplishing what they set out to accomplish, also for being able to weather the criticism earned when commitments are broken.,, and for creating a path for rectifying the miss.

What is missed by most of us when we offer up a story… is that we are only serving ourselves.

When I give a narrative instead of results, what I am really doing is seeking to protect my own “looking good” program. I want to save face.

For you, maybe it’s about not being wrong, or about being right… It varies depending on how you show up in the world.

I promise you this, though… I know now that when I show up with excuses or stories, rather than results. I lose face. I bleed power and influence. And you do too.

Power comes from knowing that no matter which way I perform, I own my results. That I am an agent unto myself. Blaming circumstances kills any opportunity you have to have that experience… You don’t get the opportunity to look inside yourself and check in with what the real problem is.

But that’s where you have to start: Inside yourself… introspection. All the answers as to why you do what you do lie there.

The phrase, “Know Thyself” is one of the most underrated expressions, but one that you can use to your advantage if you are serious about your life.

For example: I know a great deal about me. And, one of the things I know about me is that I am not “Johnny Follow-Thru”… Not that I don’t follow through, but it isn’t my forte. I live in the world of the creative and the world of vision. However, without execution creativity and vision doesn’t matter.

It’s just fuzzy thought and pretty words.

I need the freedom of systems to keep me on track… so here’s one you can try: In my gym business at CrossFit North Phoenix, I recently chose into a policy that states if a commitment is broken, it’ll cost you 100 bucks. For everyday it remains broken is another 25.

You can play this game with anyone around any commitment or action, and you’ll learn real quick who’s serious… who makes up excuses not to pay up, and who outright quits because the stakes are too high and they are unwilling to be capable and accountable to something they chose into in the first place.

So where do you fall with all this?

What is one area of your life where you are failing to meet your commitments or obligations that you can identify and start the process of correcting?

How much better would you feel about yourself, if you knew you could trust yourself to follow through… You trusting you, is the beginning of confidence.

Podcast Closing:

That’s it for today! Thank you for listening, and if you found value in this message be sure to subscribe on iTunes, Google, Castbox, or Stitcher  | Share this with those you know need to hear it on social | And I’ll see you back here in the next episode | This is Jason Archer signing off | Now… go, and DO THE HARD THING.

Listen at dothehardthing.net